Tis’ the season to be thankful, amirite?
With Thanksgiving being tomorrow, there’s a part of me that has been eagerly waiting for this day to pass on through, a bit of turkey, a little bit of watching the Viking’s lose, a lot a bit of family and desserts, potentially watching people play games - fun fact about me, I never love playing games- and then, let’s sleep on it to bring in the most wonderful time of the year. Bring on the celebration of lights and pine and sweetness. The celebration of the Savior of the world, because if I’m really honest, I’m not sure what to say when it comes to my turn around the dinner table, answering the question, “What are you most thankful for this year?” I’ve sat with this for about a month now. Life doesn’t look like it used to or what it was supposed to be like when I imagined it in my dreams. Humans being humans. Expectations shattered. Multi-complex grief over the loss of what was supposed to be so sure and true. Maybe you’re there too. You’re in the pits of grief yourself. The adoption interrupted. You aren’t rocking the baby to sleep that you have been dreaming of. You lost someone so close and special. Your marriage is broken. Whatever holds the title to that grief for you this year, maybe it overwhelms this idea of ‘thankfulness’ for you as well. So you put that holiday face on - or Christmas face as we call it in my family- and speak out words that feel like they can meet the rest of the table’s. Something that will make you not feel like a terrible human for not feeling like you can answer it all honestly. Lord knows that’s me. Not because I’m not thankful for things in my life, because there are a zillion things to count. But because it feels like these disappoints are just so much bigger than my thankfulness can be. So I looked it up… Did you know that thankfulness is actually a feeling? It’s a reaction, so temporary and fleeting in response to temporary circumstances. Maybe you knew that, I honestly never really thought about it. So this day we celebrate in America every year really is so fleeting, isn’t it? We can sit with the turkey in the middle of the table and speak words of thankfulness for the things we have. But for the people in the back, like me, who hold onto their Christmas face, hoping they can skip their turn, what we can cling to and hold onto is not a fleeting feeling. Praise Jesus there is space for our wild worlds, our hurting hearts, and our unexpected craziness at that same table. It’s actually called gratefulness. Gratefulness is a state of being. It’s contentment in your circumstances. It isn’t synonymous with thankfulness. Gratefulness remains as thankfulness fades. Sure, being grateful can certainly start with thankfulness and sweet things, but it gives space for the grief too. It gives you a reserved seat at the ‘thankful’ table. You can sit there, no Christmas face, acknowledge that life really sucks right now, finding it to be hard to be thankful, but sharing in the gratitude of sure, consistent, and honey of life. So I’m celebrating in gratefulness tomorrow. When the feelings of thankfulness are hard to find, I will welcome the grief and the hard to the table, and be grateful that I get to sit there, no expectations. Grateful for the solid and sure, the consistency of the people I love most, and the hope of Jesus coming soon. You are more than welcomed to join me, I’ll save a seat for you. “Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, and confusion into clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow” (Beattie, 1990)
4 Comments
Josh
11/23/2022 10:26:40 am
“Gratefulness remains as thankfulness fades”…thanks for this as we head into this weekend!
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Leslie
11/23/2022 06:05:05 pm
“… and the hope of Jesus coming soon.”
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V
11/24/2022 05:01:52 am
practicing gratitude has gotten me through many dark days, nights, weeks & months. Times that seemed so hopeless...gratitude helped me see there is more.
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Pete Mygatt
12/2/2022 02:34:37 pm
My heart hurts for the hurt your heart feels. I love you with a love that can only sincerely come from a Father-In-Law. I appreciate your clarification of feelings and emotions that can often be muddy and confusing...especially when we find ourselves in the valleys that come to us in this human life. Praise God for eternal promises...RYPP
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